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Angst

posted Jan 30, 2013, 4:49 AM by Becca K.   [ updated Jan 30, 2013, 4:49 AM ]

Typing here no longer gives me the release it once did. Once, there was a time when I would come here to get my thoughts around the medical realm we did not wish to be a part of. Typing what was going on would help us to make sense of it all. Now, it just causes angst.

We back in the thick of it.

“Suspicious lab results.”

“Ultrasound to follow up necessary.”

I live in a state of denial most of the time. My kid is either a miracle or a ticking time bomb. Or both. God in heaven, let it be a miracle. Her portal vein is blocked off. Collateral vessels are delivering the blood in its place. Where we are at is hugely freaking scary. We've been here for a while now, waiting for the "other shoe to drop."  And I chose not to dwell on it, unless I have to. And dwelling on it would mean admitting just how terrified I really am, so I won’t.

We have a follow up appointment this week at the new hospital. New walls for new memories.

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